Encouraged Truth

I haven’t written the truth down since 2007. The whole truth and nothing but the truth. Things got complicated. Things got realistic. I feared an escape. I feared the truth.

The blatant truth that is my life. Beyond the apparent. Beyond the façade. Beyond recognition.  I don’t remember the moment my life became real. The moment it became something more than words on a page. Writing it down allowed it to become a story. Something that I could look in onto rather than something I was living. It was someone to share my story with. Someone to share the truth with. Without fear of judgement. Without fear of being completely alone. Alone with my thoughts. Alone with the truth.

So this is my attempt. To reveal the truth to a piece of paper. To a screen of reflections. To you. However, I don’t know where to start. I cling onto the notion of obliviously writing what the world may want to hear. Do we create our thoughts or do they create us?

If the truth hurts then we should change it. Are we the truth or is the truth us? Either way, we should write it and not allow it to write us. For life appears to dictate us in so many ways that are uncontrollable. There is no way in which we should live our lives; only guidelines and suggestions.

This is harder than I thought. So far I have only described to you what I will do. I have not proven any points or, in this case, disproven any. The truth still remains locked within my mind... within my body.

A Productive Notion

Today I am, perhaps, stupidly eager to be productive. Every second of my life I worry if I’m using it effectively. Is this normal? What is normal? Do we want to be normal? I’m pretty sure normality isn’t what I crave, for I’m forever attempting to stand out. I want to make myself known. Blending into the background is something I’ve continuously avoided. My stomach feels empty. Forget those moments of insecurity. We’re often all phased with the fear that if we don’t ‘fit in’ then we will be persecuted. I have had my fair share of persecution for this very reason. However, I still aim to continue in my bid to become something more than them. Something with substance. I don’t want to be ’normal’, for normal is just a setting on the washing machine. That reminds me of a productive thing I must do with my precious hours today; put the washing on. Oh, the joys of life in it’s entirety. I will write a ‘to do’ list. How I revel in the feeling I gain from ticking each bullet point off as I accomplish my daily duties. I mustn’t waste a moment. Life is ever so precious. If I want achieve my goals I mustn’t hesitate. I must ignite my belief in something more. In who I am. In belief itself.

Loose Change

Banksy

Some things change whilst some things never stay the same. Change can be inevitable. There are things in life that change without your recognition. Change effects us all. It’s a factor in life that cannot be avoided.  However, sometimes change can be an occurrence that you initiate. There are many things in life that you do have the ability to change.  Knowing the right change to make is the tough part. There often seems to be too many options in my life. Surely I should be grateful for this. Surely I should be grateful that I can take control of my life. However, change is also daunting and possesses an element of fear. Security is often something that we want to keep a firm hold of. Leaving a life of security and delving into a life of spontaneity is a huge risk to endure. How handy it would be to be able to see down the path of each option of choice in your life to see where it leads you. The ups and the downs. The good and the bad. All the possibilities that the choice creates for you. Such is life, we cannot do. Therefore, perhaps we should embrace change that we can control, for we often wish to change that which we cannot. 

Stand Still; in Silence

Time. In silence, time still ticks by. You cannot stop time. In stillness, time still ticks by. You cannot stop time. In time, they say it’ll get easier. Who said that? I fear they were wrongly informed. Time; for me, only makes things worse. Memories fade. It becomes apparent that you cannot live in the past forever. The world keeps turning, time keeps ticking. You cannot stop time. There is no time to grieve, often no time to think. Stand still; in silence, experience how it feels to stop. For time cannot do such a thing. You cannot stop time. No matter how still our lives become, how silent your thoughts. Time will pass you by.

Therefore I will waste no time in saying that life is precious. There is no reason enough to stop you from being the person you want to be, doing the things you dream of. I have my ups and I have my downs but deep inside I always know that there is a reason I am here. I have the option to make the most of who I am or to stand still; in silence wishing that I was someone else. I do not have time for shallow people of no substance. I crave to be around people who think past the reflection of a mirror. The eyes are not just an opaque  feature, they are a transparent window into your soul. Your desires, your fears, your past and your future. Do not ignore the eyes. The eyes do not lie; though they can deceive.

An Unsavoury Image

I feel like writing something with some deep meaning that will allow you to take a moment to think about life intensely. However, as I sit here eating a breast of cold chicken, I fear that today’s update will not be that insightful. Nevertheless; just because I like that word, here I am attempting to update you on what’s going on in this redheaded head of mine. Best make that cup of tea. That’s better. This chicken is really not satisfying my taste buds this afternoon. To be fair, I should actually stop complaining about my life. I was ‘people watching’ today and noticed, not for the first time, that the people of North Wales aren’t living anything near ‘the high life’. Even worse, they do not look happy, they are not pleasant and nobody smiles back at me. When I pass people I tend to give them a friendly smile, like you imagine an alien would give you to show they come in peace. This tea is incredible. The chicken has been removed from my sight and now rests in the bin. Another thing, it’s 2:49pm and I’ve had to put the heating on. Yes, I am aware that I am categorising all of the people of North Wales into an unsavoury collection of unsatisfied souls. However, I am merely stating what I see. I think if we all start to look up and enjoy what is around us each and everyday then maybe we’ll feel just that little bit better and perhaps up the mood of others around us. Perhaps I am wrong. I usually am. I’m still learning. This is me, just trying to understand the world. Allow me that. Smile.

Materialistic Persona

We’ll never be happy. We always want more. It’s a persona that has been imbedded into everything we are. Greed. It’s all part of the majority of human nature. A friend once told me the happiest people she’d ever met were large families who lived in small huts in Africa. Here we are. We’ve become so materialistic that I feel we’ll never be happy. We always want more. Emotionally. Physically. I try to figure out why we’re here. What’s the meaning of life. All those cliché questions people pretend don’t matter. Whilst the truth is that we’re all searching for the answers. It scares us that we’ll never know. We never know when the end is near. There is no guarantee. Enjoy what you have. Admire what you don’t. Make someone smile. Let someone make you smile. Smile; from the inside.

Fireworks

A connection. Between two people. Fireworks. The 5th of November. Something to celebrate. When their eyes met. Fireworks. That little feeling in your stomach. Love or lust? Fireworks. So, I’m tempted to remind you that it’s the 5th of November. This, of course, brings to mind one thing. However, fireworks also bring to mind the previous. That and a spark. A spark for life. I can’t think of a better way to spend today.  Thinking about that spark for life. I have that spark for life. I won’t waste my time. I will enjoy every moment of this life. Whatever brings me down doesn’t matter. We are all just the same. We’re all waiting for something. I’m just not sure that we’re ever going to get it. Fireworks. Be safe.